Tough Emotions (Jealousy/Envy/Frustration) + Fear of Success

Individuals who are highly gifted often experience their emotions in a heightened and intense manner. If students are uncomfortable with many of the emotions they’ve labeled “negative,” these emotions can metastasize and become a landmine for shame. 

This week, we discussed how jealousy and frustration are natural parts of the human condition. We also worked on broadening our emotional vocabulary by distinguishing certain emotions from one another.

Facts: 

- Envy and jealousy are very different emotions 

- Envy is when we want something another person has

- Jealousy is when we fear losing a relationship or valued part of a relationship we already have 

- Jealousy is not considered a singular emotion, but instead a “thinking response” to a feeling of anger, sadness, or fear. 

 - In children, jealousy most often relates to loss of parental attention or perceived special treatment of someone else. (I sometimes wonder if my own kids are jealous of you while I teach these classes - how odd?! I sometimes wonder if I am jealous of my husband’s hobbies when he’s busy doing what he loves. In other words, jealousy doesn’t always have to involve a third person. My toddler sometimes hates my guitar because he’s jealous of it!) 

- Schadenfreude (German schaden = harm / freude = joy, originating in the 1850s): pleasure or joy derived from someone else’s suffering of misfortune (dark stuff!) 

- Schadenfreude shuts down the areas of the brain that feel empathy 

- Some people bond over schadenfreude towards a common target in the form of gossip (especially if the only thing they have in common is their common enemy) 

- Feeling schadenfreude (even if we think the person deserved it) violates the morals of many highly sensitive people and leads to intense shame and guilt. 

- Any guesses about what freudenfreude happens to be? “An empathetic response of shared joy.” Seek out people who experience this and strive to be such a person yourself.

 Journal Questions: 

• Envy: Do I want something someone else has? What does that show me about what I need to do? How can I make a plan and work towards having it? Use envy as a map. 
• Jealousy: If I’m scared of losing something important to me (like a parent's attention), what kind of conversations do I need to have with them (for example, about how much they work/ how much they talk to my brother but not me, etc.). 
• How do I handle it when someone is jealous/envious of me? Is there anything I can do instead of hiding myself or my gifts? 

Topic Two: Fear of Success? 

Strange as it may sound, some people fear success and fear their dreams coming true. There are several reasons for this, depending on a person’s internal qualities and outer environment. For example, some students who are gifted are not surrounded by other people who are gifted, and may resort to hiding themselves and their talents in order to fit in (they may even fear being envied). 

Sometimes, success leads to higher expectations from others (and certain kids don’t want that). Internally, some people feel a need to “top themselves” while simultaneously unsure if their last successful experience was a fluke (often known as imposter syndrome). 

Planned or not, extreme success can lead to stress and possibly isolate someone from others. Given many young people are social creatures, they are savvy to what impacts their social standing and may hide their gifts from themselves or others. 

Go Deeper (see screenshots): 

Here is an additional article to explore if this topic resonates with you: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-success-5179184 

 In order for students to gauge their own “fear of success,” I presented a small quiz on the screen. Students were encouraged to reflect on the results of the quiz with a write up from the Gifted Teens Survival Guide.