Handling Feedback and Constructive Criticism

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” –attributed to Aristotle

Humans, in general, do not like criticism. We often take it personally (as an attack on our character), even if the feedback is about a project of ours, a random action, or an opinion we need to refine. In general, we have a hard time separating ourselves from the “thing” being criticized. 

Is it possible to handle criticism in a positive way? Yes.

Our first natural reaction to criticism is to become defensive. However, if we can overcome this tendency, an entire new world of learning awaits on the other side. Instead of spending our time trying to justify whether or not the criticism was warranted, we can take a moment to give the content some thought and look for positive lessons. 

If your overall goal is to become a better person (or better student, better musician/athlete, artist, etc.), your first job is to realize some critical feedback directed at you will be accurate. 

Consider the source. Is it a teacher whose job it is to help you? Is it a parent who wants to help you grow? Is it an observant friend having a bad day? Even if they are accidentally rude, consider if they have your best interests in mind. 

Quotes about our topic today:

“The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.” —Elbert Hubbard

“When criticized, consider the source.” —Unknown

“The dread of criticism is the death of genius.” —William Gilmore Simms

“The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” –Norman Vincent Peale

“Some of our greatest opportunities for growth come from conflict, if only we have the courage to meet it with both eyes open.” - Unknown

Activity: I summarized a situation where Apple’s founder Steve Jobs was criticized publicly and responded gracefully. 

Here are Steve Jobs’ eight steps to respond to criticism: 

- Stop and collect your thoughts.
- Agree with them. Tell the other person that you do agree with them in some areas.
- Offer a bigger picture. Steve Jobs does this masterfully. He talks about the much bigger picture that he and his team are working on. This makes the conversation shift from the complaint about a specific product to the bigger picture of running a company or creating a movement.
- Admit you’re not perfect. This disarms your attacker. You’re admitting to what they’re accusing you of. You’re not perfect.
- Don’t react to the anger, respond to the issue. You know you’re reacting if you skip the first four steps and just start talking. Reacting means you match or go above their level of anger. Reacting escalates the tension.
- Sincerely apologize. Jobs says he’s sorry that Open Doc is a casualty. 

- Defend the vision, not yourself. Jobs says that mistakes will be made but it’s part of a larger vision.
- Remain optimistic. It’s hard to get mad at optimists. People like optimists.

Optional Journal/Reflection Questions This Week:

Have you ever been criticized? How did you react? 
What do you do to stay calm in the face of criticism? 
How do you think this information about Steve Jobs applies to your own life? Notice how he apologizes in a genuine manner and admits he’s made a lot of mistakes. 
Generate questions around the topic of handling feedback: How do you think perfectionism is related to difficulty with feedback?

Go Deeper (optional reading outside of class regarding the famous incident where Steve Jobs was criticized): 

Three Things to Admire About How Jobs Handled Himself:

1. Full Stop: You can tell Jobs knew he was about to get criticized. But before he said a word he sat down, took a deep breath, then grabbed a sip of water. He gathered his thoughts. Then he quietly began his reply.

2. Fight Fire with… Ice: Jobs does not attack his critic. He uses humor to lighten the mood, then he pivots. Acknowledging the criticism that good technology got cut, he then calmly explains the tough choices. He humbly admits that some of these decisions will be mistakes. 

3. Return to First Principles: The entire discussion becomes a window into the fundamental principles driving Jobs and Apple’s leaders. The relentless focus of the company would be on the experience of the user. This would mean hard choices. But it also gave a context for those choices. Jobs freely admits that following these principles will not always mean the right decisions:

“Some mistakes will be made along the way,” he says. “And that’s good because at least some decisions are being made along the way. And we’ll find the mistakes. We’ll fix them.”