Arrogance Vs. Confidence

One common concern showing up in students I’ve worked with over the years is related to the social fear of appearing arrogant when they are highly gifted. Another common concern involves not being able to tolerate people who come off as arrogant with similar abilities… (Why on earth do they brag so much? I can do xxx and I’m not drawing attention to myself… What’s the deal?) This week we strived to tackle the tricky topic of “arrogance vs. confidence.”

Opening Quotes:

“He who truly knows has no occasion to shout.” - Leonardo da Vinci

“A person is bound to lose when he talks about himself; if he belittles himself, he is believed; if he praises himself, he isn’t believed.” - Michel de Montaigne

“A session of boasting won’t attract any real friends.  It will set you up on a pedestal, however, making you a clearer target.” - Richelle E. Goodrich

“If I seem to boast more than is becoming, my excuse is that I brag for humanity rather than for myself.” - Henry David Thoreau

“If I cannot brag of knowing something, then I brag of not knowing it; at any rate, brag.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

This week we strived to map the complex inner world (and social world) of "arrogance vs. confidence" by defining competing adjacent terms. 

Pride: A feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

Hubris: Excessive pride or self-confidence. A need to dominate.

Humility: Accurate assessment of our contributions, including our strengths, imperfections, and opportunities for growth/new learning.

Modesty: The quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one's abilities.

We explored research involved with each of these above terms in order to help students form a schema for future social interactions.

Then we dived headfirst into this topic using real quotes from social media (students sorted quotes from famous and non-famous people into “arrogant” vs. “confident” categories). Also, students were encouraged to rewrite "humble brags" into straightforward statements that weren't as annoying or easily misunderstood. Students were able to offer up their own opinions, and not everyone agreed! It was a fun lesson. 

Additional quotes to consider:

It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am. - Muhammad Ali

Haters are just confused admirers. - Justin Bieber

Are they being arrogant or honest? What do you think?

Optional journal questions this week:
1. Is it possible for someone to be too humble? Why might that be a problem?
2. How do you react when people disagree with you? What does “arrogance vs. confidence" have to do with perspective-taking? Can you see the other person’s side?
3. How do you handle losing? How do you handle winning?
4. Who’s the most confident person you know? Who’s the most arrogant person you know? Do you think mutual acquaintances would agree?
5. Why do some people accomplish a lot and become arrogant while other people accomplish a lot and become humble? 

Go Deeper (optional concepts/articles to explore outside of class):

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_does_intellectual_humility_look_like

https://humilityandconviction.uconn.edu/blank/what-is-intellectual-humility/

https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED352632#:~:text=Dialectical%20thinking%20refers%20to%20the,seemingly%20contradictory%20information%20and%20postures.