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Showing posts from December, 2023

Handling Feedback and Constructive Criticism

“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” –attributed to Aristotle Humans, in general, do not like criticism. We often take it personally (as an attack on our character), even if the feedback is about a project of ours, a random action, or an opinion we need to refine. In general, we have a hard time separating ourselves from the “thing” being criticized.  Is it possible to handle criticism in a positive way? Yes. Our first natural reaction to criticism is to become defensive. However, if we can overcome this tendency, an entire new world of learning awaits on the other side. Instead of spending our time trying to justify whether or not the criticism was warranted, we can take a moment to give the content some thought and look for positive lessons. If your overall goal is to become a better person (or better student, better musician/athlete, artist, etc.), your first job is to realize some critical feedback directed at you will b

Arrogance Vs. Confidence

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One common concern showing up in students I’ve worked with over the years is related to the social fear of appearing arrogant when they are highly gifted. Another common concern involves not being able to tolerate people who come off as arrogant with similar abilities… (Why on earth do they brag so much? I can do xxx and I’m not drawing attention to myself… What’s the deal?) This week we strived to tackle the tricky topic of “arrogance vs. confidence.” Opening Quotes: “He who truly knows has no occasion to shout.” - Leonardo da Vinci “A person is bound to lose when he talks about himself; if he belittles himself, he is believed; if he praises himself, he isn’t believed.” - Michel de Montaigne “A session of boasting won’t attract any real friends. It will set you up on a pedestal, however, making you a clearer target.” - Richelle E. Goodrich “If I seem to boast more than is becoming, my excuse is that I brag for humanity rather than for myself.” - Henry David Thoreau “If I cannot

Tough Emotions (Jealousy/Envy/Frustration) + Fear of Success

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Individuals who are highly gifted often experience their emotions in a heightened and intense manner. If students are uncomfortable with many of the emotions they’ve labeled “negative,” these emotions can metastasize and become a landmine for shame.  This week, we discussed how jealousy and frustration are natural parts of the human condition. We also worked on broadening our emotional vocabulary by distinguishing certain emotions from one another. Facts:  - Envy and jealousy are very different emotions  - Envy is when we want something another person has - Jealousy is when we fear losing a relationship or valued part of a relationship we already have  - Jealousy is not considered a singular emotion, but instead a “thinking response” to a feeling of anger, sadness, or fear.   - In children, jealousy most often relates to loss of parental attention or perceived special treatment of someone else. (I sometimes wonder if my own kids are jealous of you while I teach these classes - how odd?