Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

“Fit in and stand out! Fit in while winning! Be the best while also trying to be like everyone else.” - The paradoxical voice of comparison running your day

Comparing oneself to others is natural, but that does not make it desirable. People often try to gauge how they are doing with an activity by looking around. Am I doing better? Am I doing worse? However, how “good or bad” you are performing compared to others is not always easy to assess. Some brains are built to highlight the strengths of others and weaknesses in themselves (or vise-versa). Also, performance is never a sign of how “good or bad” you are as a person. In essence, this default mode of the human brain can wreak havoc if you don’t learn how to tame it.

Facts:
Comparison is not an emotion, but it drives all kinds of big feelings (can you name some of those feelings)?
Comparison often happens without our awareness and is a pervasive social phenomenon (a fish doesn’t know it’s in water)
We engage in upward social comparison (someone who is or is perceived to be performing better)
We engage in downward comparison (someone who is or is perceived to be performing worse than we are)

When comparing yourself becomes a habit it can:

Rob you of time to improve yourself
Prevent you from appreciating unique approaches and contributions
Prevent you from appreciating your talents and gifts
Rob you of genuine passions and interests
Rob you of joy and self-direction
Cause you to resent others (even friends)
Cause sensitive/insightful people to assume the worst about themselves

Tips to combat comparison:
Become aware of the detrimental effects listed above and how they might be impacting you
Practice self-acceptance 
Learn from the contributions and successes of worthy role-models. Notice when you appreciate their success instead of being envious. Who do you look up to and why?
Practice gratitude. Gain awareness of your unique talents and gifts
Remember we’re all human. No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes.
Decide what you want in life. Then, keep your eyes on your own life.

Optional journal prompts:
-When you become aware that you’re comparing yourself with someone else, what strategies above would work the best for you to control the habit?
-Journal for 5 minutes. Begin with “Comparing myself to others is …”
-Do you compare yourself with others and often place yourself on the top or on the bottom? Whatever your answer, play devil’s advocate with yourself and argue when the opposite could be true.
-How do you see yourself as compared to friends and family? Who inspires you to try harder? Who makes you feel like giving up?
-When people feel good about themselves, are they more or less inclined to compare themselves with others? Explain.
Go Deeper (screenshots below from When Gifted Kids Don't Have All the Answers):

Also, here is a relevant concept from Dr. Elaine Aron:

Ranking vs. Linking:

“Doubts about whether others find us okay are natural. It's part of how humans survived, joining clans and villages and following the rules to avoid being thrown out. We have to know what is expected by our society. Once you belong to a group, there are all kinds of expectations. But focusing on these does mean you have to be in comparison mode, and comparison mode means you are in what I call a "ranking state.” Are you better, worse, as good? Win, lose, tie?

In my book The Undervalued Self, I wrote that human beings - indeed, all social mammals - have two social behaviors: ranking and linking. When we are feeling friendly and attached to someone else or to a group, we are usually not comparing our-selves. When we are figuring out who is better, who is worse, we are ranking. Again, comparing and ranking is natural. If you watch a group of dogs, horses, cats, chickens, or any other social animal, they all know who is number one, two, and so forth. It saves fighting every time over, for example, who gets to eat first.

However, ranking does not feel as good as linking. It feels much nicer to like people, certain people in particular, and to have them like you. All social animals have their friends. So another solution to shyness is to try to link rather than to rank. Be kind and friendly to as many people as possible, and especially to someone you like and who seems to like you. Let the ranking subside in you. Why should there be any ranking? Aren't we all trying to do our best? Yes, some people seem to be trying to look like they are the best ever and they are fully involved in ranking and making others feel inadequate, but you can recognize them as having their own problems and avoid them.”

- Dr. Elaine Aron (high sensitivity researcher)