High Expectations and High Standards

This week’s discussion centered around high expectations. Sometimes these high expectations come from the outside world and sometimes they come from inside ourselves. Oftentimes, high expectations have a profound impact on us and the people around us. People can have high expectations in different areas (character/behavior, measured accomplishments, etc.), making the issue all the more complicated.

Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations are often addressed in literature written for people who happen to be gifted, but we also talked about when expectations don’t seem high enough and we want someone to set the bar higher. Either way, sometimes we have to learn how to handle what pops out of other people’s mouths and what pops into our own minds! It’s our choice where and when we wish to strive for perfection and where we wish to be ordinary.

We used the story of gymnast Simone Biles as a talking point for exploring this issue. We also discussed John Grisham vs. Michael Crichton (one handled success by pursuing simplicity, the other by embracing extreme busyness). 

Here are some questions we generated around this topic: 

• What do high expectations have to do with competition?
• What do high expectations have to do with following the rules or not following the rules? 
• Have you chosen worthy role models for high expectations?
• Have you chosen worthy rivals? 
• How do your high expectations impact you? How do they impact others?
• How do dissatisfied people with high expectations lead to change and innovations in society?
• How can we tell when high expectations originate internally and when they come from the outside world (external)? 
• Why do people have high expectations in some areas (academics) and not others (appearance/relationships/health)? 
• What do infinite games vs. finite games have to do with expectations?

Here are some exercises to go along with this lesson:

- What are all the messages you’ve been given that lead to high expectations and high pressure in certain areas (sports, school, etc.)? 

- What comes from the outside world and what comes from inside? Can you tell?

- Now that you’ve made that list, take time to create an “expectation bubble.” In other words, what messages are you going to keep close to you, and what messages are you going to let bounce off you? 

- What thoughts or phrases will keep your bubble strong? Consider: “I set my own goals. I will find an effective way to cope with whatever happens.” 

As always, these are optional journal exercises for you to consider or talk over with a parent/caregiver/friend. 

Thank you for a wonderful lesson and wonderful discussion this week!